Heavenly's Miracle

One year ago today, you were delivered stillborn. Two days later, I named you Heavenly-Miracle because that's what you are. I used to be embarrassed by this situation because I did not know that I was pregnant; and to make matters worst, the doctors said that I'm below average intellect, but very pleasant (as if that was supposed to make me feel better). In all actuality, it hurt me; but then, I realized that it's not true. There's no need to be mad. Anyways baby girl, I'm slowly but surely getting through this. Although I never got the chance to see & hold you, I will always love you. Tell Nana and Grandad I said hello. I love you sweetie pie. Good night!! 😘😘 Happy Birthday Heavenly!! 😘😘

Ten Months Ago . . .        I remember being in the hospital for four days and going through all of the emotions. I went through an immediate depressive stage and couldn't listen to a whole specific song on my phone b/c it reminded me of what could've been. I was able to maintain a smile on my face because our cousins made sure they did all they could to make me laugh. I was angry after reading the paperwork from the hospital and finding out that they said I was "below average intellect" bc I didn't know I was pregnant. Even after all of that, baby girl, mommy still stood tall and was able to press on. I can smile now, knowing you would've been a walking dictionary like me. I love the idea of being able to talk about you and share my personal thoughts w/ a group of people I don't know from a can of paint. I love you, my darling.

Happy 4th my sweet angel baby. Mommy misses you so much! I think about you all the time, I see you in my dreams, and it makes me very happy. I've gotten to a place where I can bring your name up and watch any sad movie and not cry too much (I know you'd be so proud of me). I've even gone as far as to join an Angel baby group on Facebook to help cope with you not being here with me. At the same token, why do I feel so guilty? Why am I just learning that an itchy and scaly hand is a pregnancy side effect? How come when I told your stupid father about you, he acted as if we didn't have relations? Why do I have to go through this all by myself? You should be turning seven months on Friday; instead, I'm forced to allow these walls to close in on me and send me into a whirlwind. Since you've been gone, ten people have told me that they're having babies; and one of them is a lesbian. I had to have done something wrong! As you can see baby girl, mommy is stresse...

Seems like every month on this very day, my emotions take a toll on me . . . BUT I'm the only person that feels it and that's sad. I cared once upon a time about what the people would think if I talked about you; but now, I'm as a quiet as a church mouse. I'm already being forwarded to voicemail whenever I would call certain people. Now I know who cares and who doesn't. Now I know what to say around certain individuals. I still cry myself to sleep at night. You would probably say "don't cry Mommy, it'll be okay", but I beg to differ. I feel that everyone else has gotten over their losses mainly because they now have kids. I really don't have too much to remember you by except: my hospital cup and bag, my hospital wrist bands, a funeral home bag, a heart of hopelessness, and a face full of tears that may never go away. BUT one thing that I do know is that I'll never forget you. I will get through this one day, baby girl. Until then, continue...

Some days I wonder how I'll be able to go on, knowing my baby girl is gone behind those pearly gates. Some nights I cry myself to sleep because I feel like I have no one to vent to about my true feelings. Why do I feel you're already forgotten about? Why does my heart hurt so bad? Why does this have to be? These questions I may never get the answer to . . . but one day we'll be reunited. Maybe by then, I'll have a better understanding of how this thing called "life" works. Well get your rest sweetie & thanks for listening. Continue to watch over Mommy. I love you.

"Every step I take; every move I make, every single day every time I pray I'll be missing you. Thinking of the day when you went away; what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you!" I know its been a while since I've talked to you; but it's only because I had to gather my thoughts & let you know how I feel w/o sounding reiterant. Don't worry though baby girl, I love you and I'm missing you like crazy. Until we meet again sweetie pie. Mommy <3's you once again. Kiara Patrice & Heavenly- Miracle Mother & Daughter Always&Forever 5/19/1992 ----> 12-7-2016

A month ago today, I've officially become a mother and it was the happiest feeling ever. Also (a month ago today), you've received your wings and flew high. I often question myself & ask God why: why were you chosen so early, why do I feel like I'm going through this alone, or why does it seem like I'm the only one who cares. I sometimes wonder if it'd be wrong for me to have a smile on my face. I mean; in all honesty, I feel the need to be happy knowing you're in a better place & in great hands. Then again, I feel like I should continue to let the tears flow & try to communicate with others about my feelings. Either way, losing you is something that I will never get over. Instead, mommy will get through it. I love you & I will never forget about you. Continue to rest In heaven mommy's baby!

My name is Heavenly-Miracle Edwards and I am the only child of Kiara Edwards, the second grandchild of Devonnie Gregg & Nicholas Edwards, and the second great-grandchild of Martha Edwards. In a moment, I will be receiving my degree in Paralegal Studies at Francis Marion University so that I can work alongside my Granddad at his law office, the N. Edwards Law Firm. As I look over at the fifth row in the school auditorium, I see my entire family either cheesing from ear to ear or constantly taking pictures. I understand how excited everyone is, but to see my grandmother pull out a bag of popcorn from her purse is the funniest thing ever! Seconds later, the students in my row stand up and makes their way to the side of the stage. " You ready ?" my best friend Michael asked me. " Yep " I said proudly. My name is finally called. " . . . Heavenly - Miracle Edwards " the Principal, Mrs. Grady says. I walked gracefully across the stage, waved, and smiled at th...

HAPPY NEW YEAR MOMMY'S SWEET BABY!! I made it to this year with a smile on my face. I've said this plenty of times before, but knowing you're in great hands up there makes my days so much smoother. Guess what though? Mommy has so many great things planned for this year. It's best that I not speak everything into existence because it may not go the way I would want it to go. The thing that I'm mostly excited about is finishing one of my latest books entitled "Brooklyn Desires". I was thinking that when that one is finished, I should start a new book about you and call it "The Heavenly-Miracle". Whatever I decide to do, I know that it will make you proud. I know you're not expecting for me to be up this late, but I had to talk to you while everything is fresh on my mind. I miss you so, so, soooo much baby girl. If only you were here . . . but I understand that God makes no mistakes whatsoever. Well I'm running a little low on words, so I wi...