Heavenly's Miracle

Hey baby girl! How's it going up there? Honestly, everything's just fine down here. Mommy can finally smile now knowing that you're taken care of by your great grandparents (as well as our other family members). Remember the other day I told you I would come and see you? Well, guess what? I made sure today was that day and I am so happy I did! I cried out just a little because this is still new to me; but at the same token, I was just happy to have been able to get that piece of mind that I needed ever since the day God called you home . . . I don't know why, but my words are getting a little short today. Don't think that because this is happening that I love you any less and I don't have anything to say (because mommy loves you more than you'll ever know). Well Mommy's tears are dried now, so go ahead and get your rest . . . I say it all day, every day and I'll say it again . . . I love you forever more baby girl! Kiara Patrice Edwards (Mommy) ...

Good evening mommy's baby, how's it going up there? I know it's been a couple of days since I've talked to you; but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you. You are forever the center of my life and I love you always.

This was supposed to have been our first Christmas together, but God had other plans for you. I'm supposed to be spoiling you like crazy; instead, I have to put flowers on your grave and remind myself that I won't be able to see my baby girl again. My heart still hurts and I still can't believe that this has happened to us. I shouldn't feel the way that I do. I shouldn't be as emotional as I am . . . no. I should be looking into your eyes and reminding you of how beautiful you are everyday. I should also be making your bottles, changing your diapers, rubbing your back and singing to you whenever you cry. Instead, I'm talking to you through this blog. One thing I will say is: it was all worth it baby girl. If it were possible, I would definitely go through everything I went through to have you in my arms again: the back and abdomen aches, the weight gain, the swollen feet . . . and might I add the long hair. I named you "Heavenly-Miracle" because that...

Good evening baby girl!! How's it going up there? Well everything's starting to come together down here. The only thing that's missing is you. I woke up this afternoon with the biggest smile on my face. Why you may ask? It's mainly because I've been able to cope well with this entire situation. I still find myself crying at times and I've gotten to a point whereas leaving my comfort zone has become somewhat of an issue. The best part about this is that Mommy has all kinds of support from the people that cares about her the most. Not only does the support help, but to be able to talk to you through this blog is the greatest feeling ever . . . I know that I've been slacking a little bit with my words lately, but I promise you I will get better with time. Oh yeah; guess what? Mommy's coming to visit you! I'm not telling you exactly when, just know that I am coming and everything will be alright. Well I know that you need your rest, so I will talk to you...

H E A V E N L Y        KIARA - PATRICE   M I R A C L E   EDWARDS   MOMMY LOVES YOU FOREVER MORE!! 

" Good morning, my little munchkin " I greeted my peacefully-sleeping daughter Heavenly-Miracle, " Let's get ready for school ". " Good morning mommy " she replied after waking up, rubbing her eyes, and yawning. She then gets up, makes her own bed (the way her grandmother taught her how), and heads straight for the tub. While she gets her day started, I decided to cook some shrimp and grits for both of us. Ten minutes later: she walks into the kitchen, sits at the table, and begans singing one of my favorite songs from back in my day. " Oh girl. One more chance with you again. I will not let it go . . . ooh please, give me just one more chance for love, love, love, love !" I lowered my eyebrows and turned all the way around. "I can't believe what my ears are listening to right now. My girl can sing . . . better than her mother at that!" " . . . I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know your name. Come on talk to me baby, co...

Dear Princess Heavenly, Today's a new day, yet my heart still hurts like crazy. My mind feels very empty and my soul feels mummified. I can't eat, sleep, think, write, or even dare listen to music (yeah I know it's strange because mommy is a music fanatic). At times I feel as if nothing is coming together for me. I'll have to spend my Christmas without you, New Years, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day . . . and the saddest parts about all of this is, we won't be able to sing happy birthday to each other. But guess what though? I'll make sure to talk to you every single day (even If my words seem to be short); and because mommy's been in a creative mood lately, I'm going "Heavenly" crazy as soon as I can get my hands on some money! I know it sounds a little overboard, but I can't help it. I have to do something to keep myself from falling all the way apart. Well baby girl it's your bedtime, so you know what that means . . . in the ...

How's it going up there, baby girl? I know the family is spoiling you like crazy lol!! I can only imagine what's going on . . . you and Grandad Curt are probably sitting in the backyard reading the newspaper together (or answering all the questions right on Jeopardy), Uncle Joe is probably telling you all kinds of stories of how he used to see mommy's name in the newspaper for being an honor roll student . . . and I'll bet you're standing on "Mother's" bed and combing her hair (just as mommy did in her much younger days). Either way, I know you're in good hands. Sometimes I wonder if it's wrong for me to not want to say goodbye to you. I've learned in a Denzel Washington movie that "you only say goodbye to folks you'll never see again". The correct quote is "I'll see you later". Oh my . . . mommy's crying again. Don't worry about me Heavenly, I'll be okay. You just get you some rest and I'll talk ...

Mommy sat up all night thinking about you and the kind of future we would've had. There would be pictures taken everyday, we would definitely be in a department store shopping for clothing/shoes; and whatever you ask for, you would get it. Mommy's not a no person (just look at your first cousin, Damonie lol!!). The overall solution is . . . YOU'VE WOULD'VE BEEN ONE SPOILED ROTTEN PRINCESS . . . but it would all be worth it. If it were possible; after seeing my stretch marks, swollen feet, and weight gain, I would go through all of that just to have you in my arms again. This blog that I'm writing may not make sense to most; but I don't care, this is what I do. I've been writing since I was thirteen years old; and I now have another reason to continue expressing my true feelings. It's you, Heavenly. I could cry right now, but I'm imagining you wiping my tears away and saying "It'll be okay mommy, don't cry". FLASH FORWARD (Short S...

Today I lay my angel, Heavenly Miracle, to rest. I'm deeply saddened, hurt, and most of all numbed about the entire situation; No one should ever have to bury their child. At times I have been crying my eyes out, and @ other times I find myself smiling and reminiscing with close friends about the "I can see" type scenarios when it comes down to my baby. Like I can see her reading an entire newspaper @ 2 years old just as mommy did, or I can see her knowing every song on the radio as well as her ABC's, 123's, so on and so forth. I now understand that because this was my first miscarriage, it is still a tragedy that will take some time to get through. I also understand that I'm not alone in all of this. All in all, I will always love and miss my Heavenly Miracle. This experience has ensured me that God makes no mistakes; and as long as I stay prayed up, everything else will fall in place.